I Do What I Wanna

Very few things piss me off. I can usually look at a situation, say “fuck it,” and walk away easily. I’m not hard to get along with, simply put if I don’t like you, I stay away from you. If you annoy me, I avoid you. If you offer unsolicited parenting advice and think it’s ok I may or may not throat punch you. I just can’t be held accountable for my actions once you throw advice in my face.

I know there are touchy subjects when it comes to parenting. I chose to NOT discuss those topics on my blog but at the same time I would like you to know where I stand on certain issues.

If I write something, it’s what works with MY family. So here’s a few things you may not know about me and they may even piss you off but I don’t care because I’m not here for parenting advice. If I want advice I ask my Mom, not strangers.

With that said welcome to my small mind…

1. NONE of my kids were breastfed. I never got milk, meds and techniques didn’t prompt anything. I tried with all 3 and it never happened. My kids were ALL bottle fed and they seem to be doing just fine.

2. I will not homeschool my kids. I believe socializing with peers is a big part of childhood. If you choose to homeschool, more power to you. I don’t feel smart enough to teach my children, I’d rather them receive an education from someone who is trained to do so. My kids will never be a Kimmie Schmitt, tucked away underground alone for years, being taught by a dumbass.

I know kids who were homeschooled and as much shit as I may catch for this; some of them are weird, they live in their own little bubble and walk around waiting for the world to adjust to them. That’s not how life works, and if they attended a regular school they might have figured it out earlier in life.

3. I immunize my children. I believe the benefits outweigh the side affects. If you don’t want to immunize, thats on you. In the event of an outbreak my kids will be protected. It’s like wearing a seat belt. Why not do something that can prevent your death? Whatever your decision was, I don’t care because it ain’t got shit to do with me.

4. I don’t tolerate excessive bullying. There’s a fine line with getting teased and being bullied. A little teasing from peers is good for kids. Excessive bullying is not. Life isn’t always easy, there’s always going to be mean people. We need to allow our kids skin to toughen up. But we don’t want to break their spirit. It’s a fine line to teeter on, trust me I’ve teetered it already.

5. I am completely against co-sleeping. None of my children slept in our bed. It’s a hard habit to break and I enjoy sleeping. Brandon’s lucky he’s allowed to sleep in the bed with me.

6. Co-bathing is disgusting to me. I have nothing else to add to this, I avoid all conversations related to this topic because it grosses me out. No matter how innocent you may see it, I believe it blurs the line of right and wrong and can confuse a child. This is MOST DEFINITELY not up for debate.

I grew up in a time where not every cut needed a band aid. Not every story was told to my mom. The streetlights were my curfew. I played outside alone. I rode my bike in the street. I peed outside. I rolled around in dirt. I ate “ABC” gum off the sidewalk. I don’t remember ever riding in a carseat. I never looked both ways before crossing the street.

AND I’M STILL ALIVE!

I want every parent to know you have to do what’s best for your family. These are my thoughts and my views. What works in my house probably will not work in yours. That’s how diversity thrives and I never want it die.

Don’t lecture me and I won’t lecture you.

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SAHM-AVERSARY

 

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I just recently celebrated the one year anniversary of becoming a SAHM mom. By celebrated,  I clearly mean posting about it on Facebook. No one was throwing me a party for the decision I made. No one even said, “hey thanks mom for sitting at home with us all day. Thanks for making sandwiches or scrubbing pee off the floors.” Nope. No one else even acknowledge my SAHM-AVERSARY. Really though, I’m fine. with that. 

 

Maybe when they’re older they’ll see what I gave up for them and for our family; the good, the bad, the future, the money. Not that any of it was certain or that any of it means more to me than my kids because that’s not even close to what I mean. I may die before I get the thank you, I want so bad. It’s not their fault, they’re young. Way to young to get it. Its my own fault. Why do I need to hear it so badly? I see it on their faces and I feel it in their hugs and kisses. Why do I need to hear it? It doesn’t matter. When or if I ever get that ‘Thank You’ it will mean so much, but that’s not why I do what I do.

 

 

When I found out I was pregnant with Jace, I became very guilty.  It’s not something I discussed with anyone other than Brandon. I felt like strangers where raising my kids. They were not bad or imposing morally wrong beliefs on my kids; just at what point in time was I going to step up and take on more than just a financial responsibility to my kids? I was there for them but not nearly as much as I wanted to or they needed me to be. I was just doing bare minimum.

 

In order for them to be in a structured daycare, the one that we liked; they had to be there Mon-Fri. My work schedule was Wed-Sun. We enrolled them there because that’s what was best for our family. We went 5 years of never having a steady weekend daycare provider. They would spend some weekend days with family members or I’d pay a friend. It was never anything stable. I knew it wasn’t right. It hurt my heart, that I had to send my babies somewhere every day; but if I didn’t we couldn’t have survived. I would wake up crying because I missed them. I was missing everything. I missed birthdays, holidays and EVERY day. I was Mommy but I was not their primary care giver. My heart hurt so bad.

 

Jaelyn was having outrageous issues that I still don’t know the reason behind. Jenna was so shy and introverted. The longer it went, the bigger toll it took on my pregnant body. Knowing that I was bringing another child into this weighed very heavy on my heart. I was put on bed-rest for the last month of Jaces pregnancy. Though I could not fully care for my kids at least I was there more. I was there when they woke up and I was there when they went to bed. I needed that and I loved every minute I spent with them, but the fear of going back to work haunted me.

 

After delivering Jace, the need to be home grew greater. All three of my babies needed me and I needed them. I was home with them for 3 months before I was to return back to work. Jaelyn and I rekindled the mamas boy bond that we once had shared so greatly and his outrageous issues slowly subsided. Jenna was coming out of her shell. She laughed more, played harder and smiled bigger. And then I would look at Jace and all I could think was how amazing he was and how all the kids started off this way and then they changed because I wasn’t around. Now they were  changing back because I came back. How would this change Baby Jace? I cried all the time. I couldn’t go back to work. I couldn’t leave my babies. I could NEVER leave them again.

 

The week after I had Jace, Brandon switched careers. A sure thing was no longer a sure thing. He was happier at his new job and I could see it on his face after work everyday. His body was taking a beating but mentally he was better off. Because of the schedule at Brandon’s new job and the schedule at my old job, there was no way I could return to work. Neither of us would ever see the kids. We took the biggest leap of faith in the company Brandon works for now and said to hell with it all. I quit my job!

 

The looks I got from people; they couldn’t believe I quit my job. I was walking away from a federal position and all the amazing benefits it came with. What people fail to realize is every one of those benefits came with a price tag, one I was no longer willing to pay.

 

Every day I get to spend with my kids is a day I’m thankful for. We may not have all the materialistic things we once had but that’s ok. Because now we have each other more so than we ever have had before. The first question of the day is no longer “whose watching us today” but rather, “what are we doing today Mommy?” And that makes it all worth it.

 

My kids have my full attention every minute of every day. Unless I’m blogging or playing on Facebook. The uncertainty that once loomed in the back of mind is gone. No one is going to love my children and care for them the way I do. Every day that we all survive with smiles on our faces is a thank you to me. I just need to realize it.


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