I Do What I Wanna

Very few things piss me off. I can usually look at a situation, say “fuck it,” and walk away easily. I’m not hard to get along with, simply put if I don’t like you, I stay away from you. If you annoy me, I avoid you. If you offer unsolicited parenting advice and think it’s ok I may or may not throat punch you. I just can’t be held accountable for my actions once you throw advice in my face.

I know there are touchy subjects when it comes to parenting. I chose to NOT discuss those topics on my blog but at the same time I would like you to know where I stand on certain issues.

If I write something, it’s what works with MY family. So here’s a few things you may not know about me and they may even piss you off but I don’t care because I’m not here for parenting advice. If I want advice I ask my Mom, not strangers.

With that said welcome to my small mind…

1. NONE of my kids were breastfed. I never got milk, meds and techniques didn’t prompt anything. I tried with all 3 and it never happened. My kids were ALL bottle fed and they seem to be doing just fine.

2. I will not homeschool my kids. I believe socializing with peers is a big part of childhood. If you choose to homeschool, more power to you. I don’t feel smart enough to teach my children, I’d rather them receive an education from someone who is trained to do so. My kids will never be a Kimmie Schmitt, tucked away underground alone for years, being taught by a dumbass.

I know kids who were homeschooled and as much shit as I may catch for this; some of them are weird, they live in their own little bubble and walk around waiting for the world to adjust to them. That’s not how life works, and if they attended a regular school they might have figured it out earlier in life.

3. I immunize my children. I believe the benefits outweigh the side affects. If you don’t want to immunize, thats on you. In the event of an outbreak my kids will be protected. It’s like wearing a seat belt. Why not do something that can prevent your death? Whatever your decision was, I don’t care because it ain’t got shit to do with me.

4. I don’t tolerate excessive bullying. There’s a fine line with getting teased and being bullied. A little teasing from peers is good for kids. Excessive bullying is not. Life isn’t always easy, there’s always going to be mean people. We need to allow our kids skin to toughen up. But we don’t want to break their spirit. It’s a fine line to teeter on, trust me I’ve teetered it already.

5. I am completely against co-sleeping. None of my children slept in our bed. It’s a hard habit to break and I enjoy sleeping. Brandon’s lucky he’s allowed to sleep in the bed with me.

6. Co-bathing is disgusting to me. I have nothing else to add to this, I avoid all conversations related to this topic because it grosses me out. No matter how innocent you may see it, I believe it blurs the line of right and wrong and can confuse a child. This is MOST DEFINITELY not up for debate.

I grew up in a time where not every cut needed a band aid. Not every story was told to my mom. The streetlights were my curfew. I played outside alone. I rode my bike in the street. I peed outside. I rolled around in dirt. I ate “ABC” gum off the sidewalk. I don’t remember ever riding in a carseat. I never looked both ways before crossing the street.

AND I’M STILL ALIVE!

I want every parent to know you have to do what’s best for your family. These are my thoughts and my views. What works in my house probably will not work in yours. That’s how diversity thrives and I never want it die.

Don’t lecture me and I won’t lecture you.

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Unsolicited Parenting Advice

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I expected to take a cute selfie with the kids. 

Here’s one piece of solid advice for all parents. 

 

Lower your expectations. 

 

Then, just when you think they’re low enough, lower them a tidbit more. 

 

Turn on Uncle Kracker and follow me, everything will be alright. 

 

1. Wake-up time “The kids will sleep-in, they had a tiring day yesterday.” 

 

Are you crazy? Kids have everlasting energy, they can go days without sleep. Get over it because sleeping late is gone, it’s never coming back. When it does you’ve already hit the age when getting up early is cool. 

 

Go to bed the night before knowing your kids will be up before the sun. Stop playing with your own emotions. You can sleep when you’re dead. 

 

2. Breakfast time “Mommy’s making pancakes and bacon for you! “

 

Just stop right there. Don’t you dare make them shit. A bowl of cereal will be sufficient and even that’s too much. That way when they throw it at each other or you -that’s a possibility- you’re not as heartbroken. Don’t waste your time on a cooked meal, save your energy for the real catastrophes that are sure to follow.

 

Breakfast is usually rushed. Just throw a banana at the kids as they run to the bus stop and they become someone else’s problem. 

 

3. Play time “We can make a craft, then the kids can play by themselves for a bit.”

 

No you can’t. Crafty people expect entirely too much out of life. Delete your Pinterest app. If you’re feeling crafty just spill glitter on the floor, slap paint on your yoga pants and glue your hand to a table because that’s the end game. You aren’t walking away with a cute homemade craft. You’re doing the Pinterest walk-of-shame when you post craft pictures on Facebook.

 

Kids don’t play by themselves. If they do, they’re up to no good and you need to investigate immediately.

 

4. Lunch time “Maybe I’ll take the kids to McDonalds for lunch, playtime and free wifi.”

 

You’re fucking crazy. Nothing in this world is free. That “free” wifi has a hefty price tag. One that can only be paid for in dignity. Climbing to the top of the play area and back down with a screaming child is not worth it. Don’t go inside McDonalds without a proper escape route and even then expect it to fail. It will fail.

 

Skip going out to lunch all together. It’s disastrous, no matter what restaurant you pick. If you give your kids peanut butter and jelly every day for lunch, when you give them Ramen Noodles, they’ll thank you for a hot meal. 

 

5. Nap time “I’m going to nap with the kids today.”

 

Great idea, if they napped. Everyone needs to stop trying to make naptime happen. Even if it does, you have approximately 30 minutes. Take this time to make an afternoon cup of  coffee and check your email. That’s about all you have time for. 

 

If by some sudden stroke of luck you get more time, don’t clean. It’s a waste of time and energy. Kids are filthy animals who can destroy a clean house in 4 seconds. 

 

6. Dinner time “Im going to make a homemade pot roast with all the fixings so we can have a nice family dinner.”

 

The only way that homemade pot roast is going to work is if you tossed it in the slow cooker before breakfast. As for the “fixings,”  plain elbow macaroni with a slice of American cheese on top will do.

 

Be prepared to attend this “nice family dinner” donning riot gear because shit is about to get real. At this point, just order a pizza and pray for the best. 

 

7. Bed time “The kids should go to bed without incident tonight, they had a tiring day.”

 

You had a tiring day. They have energy stored for weeks. See number 1 for an explanation, go to bed and stop having such high expectations. 

 

You’re welcome. 

Dear Jaelyn

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Dear Jaelyn,

Mommy will never forget the tiny baby doctors delivered. Your skin had an olive tone and your head was full of dark hair. Your eyes were big and round while your lips were small and pouty. You were the cutest baby around and always the most content in the nursery.

When you were little, cuddling was a favorite past time. You would lay on Mommy’s chest for hours. Keeping you close to Mommy’s heart, a place you knew belonged to you. Your head nestled into the crevice of Mommy’s neck. It was devastating when that spot no longer soothed your cries.

The moments of soft baby cries and sweet whimpers faded away and were replaced by your charming smile and captivating laugh. It wasn’t until you climbed onto Mommy’s lap that our world was complete again. It was your new favorite spot, and Mommy’s too. It’s the place where you tried your first solid food, ran to when you were hurt, and the place that helped you fall asleep at night. Mommy’s lap was your comfort zone.

It was a sad day when you stopped sitting there and replaced that time with half hearted hugs. You’re growing up too fast, slow down dude. No matter what your friends say, it will always be cool to hug your Mommy. You will never outgrow Mommy’s arms; they will always hug you and hold you tight. Your hugs are needed more than you know.

As time transpires Mommy hopes you continue to stay grounded. Be genuine to yourself, you are who matters the most. Continue doing things that make you happy. You already know the world is a harsh place but home can be your safe haven. Mommy and Daddy’s love for you is everlasting and will always provide you with an escape from the world.

Your struggles are prevalent, it makes watching you attempt situations  heartbreaking. Mommy wants to make the world easier for you but that’s not how life works. The world will not form to meet your needs, you have to learn to overcome the obstacles and meet your own needs. Against all odds, you conquer endeavors with stride. That’s what makes you Mommy’s hero.

As long as you never lose your “can do” attitude, the world is your oyster. Mommy knows you will accomplish many wonderful things in your life but none of which will come easy. You can handle everything thrown in your path, Mommy will always believe in you.

Sometimes having Jenna and Jace follow you around can be annoying. You should be flattered your siblings look up to you and admire your every move. You are the oldest, Mommy and Daddy’s first born, you get to experience life before them. Watching you makes them eager to live. Be patient with them, they need you just as much as you need them. Jenna and Jace will always be your best friends.

There’s going to come a time in your life when you spread your wings and fly.

Mommy’s secretly hoping for a failure to launch.

Mommy loves you!

Dear Jenna

 

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Dear Jenna,

Mommy always wanted to have a daughter. “Sugar and spice and everything nice, that’s what little girls are made of.” Your kind heart, sassy attitude and generous soul are qualities people know you already posses. Those are the qualities you should work hard to maintain.

Mommy couldn’t wait to introduce you to tea parties, Barbies and makeup. You enjoying those thing’s makes life much sweeter. Every morning you come down for breakfast with freshly applied blue eyeshadow and bright red lipstick, Mommy’s heart smiles. When it comes to make up, less is more, but no rush, apply your makeup how your heart wants. Always do what makes you happy, even if others gawk.

Mommy looks forward to your first dance, your first date and your first heartache. The world isn’t ready for you to date, please feel sorry for your Daddy and don’t rush boys. You have your whole life to handle them. For now, Daddy and your Brothers are the only boys you need to worry about. They’re the ones who’ll never let you down, they will always be there for you.

Purple bows, frilly tutus, high heels and red lipstick have always found their way into Mommy’s heart. They found their way into yours too. Mommy was worried -while Daddy was hoping- you would be a tomboy. If you decide to be one later in life, Mommy will always support and love you as well as be your biggest fan. You could never disappoint Mommy or Daddy.

The thought of lace bras, tampons and thongs makes Mommy cringe. The time for those will eventually come, please don’t rush them. Cherish your childhood. When the time is right you know who to turn to, you know who will be there. Just like everything else, Mommy will teach you about becoming a woman.

Mommy looks forward to experiencing life alongside you, the good and the bad, we can conquer all. Mommy’s words may not seem wise now but one day you will understand, a Mother should be her Daughter’s best friend.

Growing up from a sweet little girl into a mature woman is going to be the hardest thing you ever do in your life. Society puts a lot of mental stipulations on girls, please don’t fall into societies vortex. You are a strong minded child, do not let that quality fade. The world needs you to grow into that role, the world needs more strong minded women.

Your body, your mind and your soul are always going to be yours. No one can take those things from you unless you allow it. Please don’t allow them to do that. Always be who you want to be, you owe it to yourself. Mommy promises you won’t regret it later in life.

If you don’t remember anything else from this letter, please remember this-

If you have sex too early in life, you can get a STD and die.

Mommy loves you!

Jaelyn’s Journey

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The biggest Booga I have ever seen.

I’ve been wanting to share Jaelyn’s first medical experience with everyone for awhile. I wasn’t sure how to write it. I needed you guys to understand having my 3 month old child go through surgery was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I wasn’t sure I could produce the words to describe it.

On a recent road trip to Michigan,  I was able to sit in the back of a minivan and write.  I decided to tell Jaelyn’s journey. I remember the tears streaming down my face as my fingers clicked away on the laptop. I secretly cried while I wrote about the scariest moment of my life.

Jaelyn has had numerous health issues in his 7 years of life. All have puzzled my mind and broke my heart. They do not define who he is, but they do allow some insight into his life.

Click here to read my featured piece about Jaelyns first surgery,

Jaelyn’s Journey.

Nailed It

I was excited when Jaelyn asked for an Easy Bake Oven. I was even more excited when his Grandma bought him one.

After Jaelyn opened the gift, he started promising everyone delicious treats. “I’ll bake a cake for Jenna, brownies for Jace and I’ll bake Mommy cookies!” Do you see why I was excited? Cookies get me everytime.

The first thing he said to me this morning was, “can we bake using my Easy Bake Oven today?” I never turn down cookies.

I opened the box and pulled the oven out. It was so cute, much cuter than my old Easy Bake Oven. Jaelyn and I read the instructions together. Every new step brought a new level of excitement. I think in his head he was screaming,  “lets bake these cookies, bitch!” I know I was. 

We went to work. Preheated the oven, measured out water, formed dough balls, flatten said dough balls, and slid them suckers in the oven. The instructions said to bake the cookies for 9 minutes. We set a timer.

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The instructions and manufacturer end result picture.

 

During the 9 minutes of bake time, Jaelyn was clearly on edge. He kept checking the timer, talking about the cookies and saying how he couldn’t wait to bake cakes. “Do you think it will have frosting? I like frosting, they should have frosting.”

When the timer went off he flew into the kitchen screaming, “COOKIES ARE READY!” I had to remind him they needed to be pushed into the cooling chamber for a 5 minute cool down period. He wasn’t impressed and Mommy wasn’t either. I was ready to eat my share of heat lamp cooked cookies but directions said we couldn’t. My old Easy Bake Oven didn’t have a cooling chamber, why did this one need it? Whatever.

When the 5 minute timer went off he was more excited than before and so was Mommy. We got our little purple wand and pulled the tray of cookies out….

“What the heck happened?” Jaelyn asked.

I replied, “I don’t know, we followed the directions.”

Jaelyn and I had a good laugh, compared our final product to the picture. I declined my share of cookies and gave them all to him.

He sat down at the kitchen table and started to eat his creation. I heard him talking to himself,  “oh boy, what did I get myself into? The cake will be better, I never really liked cookies anyway.”

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Our end result.

 

SAHM-AVERSARY

 

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I just recently celebrated the one year anniversary of becoming a SAHM mom. By celebrated,  I clearly mean posting about it on Facebook. No one was throwing me a party for the decision I made. No one even said, “hey thanks mom for sitting at home with us all day. Thanks for making sandwiches or scrubbing pee off the floors.” Nope. No one else even acknowledge my SAHM-AVERSARY. Really though, I’m fine. with that. 

 

Maybe when they’re older they’ll see what I gave up for them and for our family; the good, the bad, the future, the money. Not that any of it was certain or that any of it means more to me than my kids because that’s not even close to what I mean. I may die before I get the thank you, I want so bad. It’s not their fault, they’re young. Way to young to get it. Its my own fault. Why do I need to hear it so badly? I see it on their faces and I feel it in their hugs and kisses. Why do I need to hear it? It doesn’t matter. When or if I ever get that ‘Thank You’ it will mean so much, but that’s not why I do what I do.

 

 

When I found out I was pregnant with Jace, I became very guilty.  It’s not something I discussed with anyone other than Brandon. I felt like strangers where raising my kids. They were not bad or imposing morally wrong beliefs on my kids; just at what point in time was I going to step up and take on more than just a financial responsibility to my kids? I was there for them but not nearly as much as I wanted to or they needed me to be. I was just doing bare minimum.

 

In order for them to be in a structured daycare, the one that we liked; they had to be there Mon-Fri. My work schedule was Wed-Sun. We enrolled them there because that’s what was best for our family. We went 5 years of never having a steady weekend daycare provider. They would spend some weekend days with family members or I’d pay a friend. It was never anything stable. I knew it wasn’t right. It hurt my heart, that I had to send my babies somewhere every day; but if I didn’t we couldn’t have survived. I would wake up crying because I missed them. I was missing everything. I missed birthdays, holidays and EVERY day. I was Mommy but I was not their primary care giver. My heart hurt so bad.

 

Jaelyn was having outrageous issues that I still don’t know the reason behind. Jenna was so shy and introverted. The longer it went, the bigger toll it took on my pregnant body. Knowing that I was bringing another child into this weighed very heavy on my heart. I was put on bed-rest for the last month of Jaces pregnancy. Though I could not fully care for my kids at least I was there more. I was there when they woke up and I was there when they went to bed. I needed that and I loved every minute I spent with them, but the fear of going back to work haunted me.

 

After delivering Jace, the need to be home grew greater. All three of my babies needed me and I needed them. I was home with them for 3 months before I was to return back to work. Jaelyn and I rekindled the mamas boy bond that we once had shared so greatly and his outrageous issues slowly subsided. Jenna was coming out of her shell. She laughed more, played harder and smiled bigger. And then I would look at Jace and all I could think was how amazing he was and how all the kids started off this way and then they changed because I wasn’t around. Now they were  changing back because I came back. How would this change Baby Jace? I cried all the time. I couldn’t go back to work. I couldn’t leave my babies. I could NEVER leave them again.

 

The week after I had Jace, Brandon switched careers. A sure thing was no longer a sure thing. He was happier at his new job and I could see it on his face after work everyday. His body was taking a beating but mentally he was better off. Because of the schedule at Brandon’s new job and the schedule at my old job, there was no way I could return to work. Neither of us would ever see the kids. We took the biggest leap of faith in the company Brandon works for now and said to hell with it all. I quit my job!

 

The looks I got from people; they couldn’t believe I quit my job. I was walking away from a federal position and all the amazing benefits it came with. What people fail to realize is every one of those benefits came with a price tag, one I was no longer willing to pay.

 

Every day I get to spend with my kids is a day I’m thankful for. We may not have all the materialistic things we once had but that’s ok. Because now we have each other more so than we ever have had before. The first question of the day is no longer “whose watching us today” but rather, “what are we doing today Mommy?” And that makes it all worth it.

 

My kids have my full attention every minute of every day. Unless I’m blogging or playing on Facebook. The uncertainty that once loomed in the back of mind is gone. No one is going to love my children and care for them the way I do. Every day that we all survive with smiles on our faces is a thank you to me. I just need to realize it.


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Rock on my Butt and flowers on my head…

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The other day Jenna and I were driving past a cemetery. She got really excited, in her eyes they were big rocks with flower trophies on top. She wanted to climb them and bring all the flowers home. “Can we PLEASE go there? I really need to go in there, PLEEEEEEASE!!!” Damn it. 

I should have just told her not today but that would insinuate that it was acceptable to play in cemeteries. There was never going to be a day we could play there. So instead I told her we couldn’t play in there BECAUSE it’s a cemetery. She asked, “what’s a cemetery? Can we go there and play? I will be good at the cemetery, I promise.” Damn it.

I explained when you get older, things can happen and people pass away. Their body stays here but their spirit goes to Heaven. We bury their body in the ground and we put the big rock on top with their name on it so we have somewhere to go and talk to the person. A lot of people bring them flowers and leave them by the big rocks. It’s not a place to play.

She was content with that explaination and didn’t ask any follow-up questions; which lead me to believe we’d never speak of it again. Hallelujah! 

A couple of days pass by and we drive past the same cemetery again but Jaelyn’s with us now. Jenna says, “Jaelyn when mommy gets old and dies, we’re gonna bury her body in there and put a rock on her butt and flowers on her head. It’s ok though because we can talk to her whenever. Mommy I will bring you flowers and talk to you everyday before nap time.” Damn it. 

Jaelyn looked horrified. “What’s she talking about mommy? Are you dying? Mommy I’ll miss you when you’re dead.” Daaamn it.

I know that despite Jenna being half Jaelyn’s age she comprehends things better than he does. This may have been a car conversation for Jenna but it shouldn’t have been for Jaelyn. He needs to be sat down where he could ask all his questions and have my undivided attention. I tried so hard to avoid the conversation in the car but he wouldn’t drop it. He was forcing me to answer. Damn it. 

There are so many reasons my kids might end up on a shrinks couch that I have to answer these kind of questions vaguely but truthfully. It worked enough to stop the conversation but from the look on Jaelyn’s face, I knew this wasnt the last time we’d discuss death. It was just a matter of time. Damn it.

A week or so passes by and Brandon comes home from work. It’s late and the kids are already in bed. Brandon goes upstairs to take a shower. Jaelyn comes to the top of the stairs and in a loud whisper says, “mommy I’m gonna miss you when you’re dead.” DAMN IT! 

First off, I totally spaced telling Brandon about the whole cemetery conversation with Jenna and it had been over a week. Secondly, I never told him about the car conversation with Jaelyn either. Brandon works long, hard hours. When he gets home he’s not just physically tired but he’s mentally tired too. I always give him run downs of that day’s happenings but for some reason it never came up. But it did that night. Damn it. 

When he walked into the hallway Jaelyn called him in his room and gave him the sob story on how much he’s gonna miss me. Brandon comes downstairs and says with an exasperated look, “So, Jaelyn’s crying because he’s gonna miss you when you’re dead.” Damn it.

With the look on Brandon’s face combined with the week I had just had all I could do was laugh. This was the first week of the summer and Brandon was working extremely long days. I explained it all to him. His reactions were the same as mine. We both knew that conversation should have never happened like that but it couldn’t be avoided. After Brandon had talked with him that night I thought it was finally over. Hallelujah!

At 3 am the next morning  Jaelyn came in our room crying about my death. I was as understanding as I can be at 3 am, “dude, I’m not dying, now get your butt back in bed.” I’m not lucky enough to die anytime soon, DAMN IT!

Why am I the one whose death we have to keep talking about? Can we pick someone elses, ANYONE elses, death? What about Brandon? Yeah let’s talk about him dying. Let’s throw him under the bus damn it! It was 3 am and I had been hearing about my death for weeks now. I was willing to throw anyone under the death bus.

We haven’t had any more death talks and it’s been a couple of months now. I know the war isn’t over but I feel like this battle has been fought and won. With any luck it will never be spoke of again, until I actually do die. Then Brandon can have this talk with them because I’m done talking about my own death. By the way, I’ve already called dibs on dying first…

HALLELUJAH!!!!

Family Fun Day

Every couple of months Brandon and I try to set aside a full day of family fun.

We decided to spend the morning hours at the park and after nap we would go to this little carnival that popped up in a parking lot nearby.

We never learn our lesson, we shouldn’t tell the kids until we’re all loaded up in the car. Their minds run wild with questions while mine throbs from repeating everything 20 gazillion times.

Jaelyn thought going to the park meant no carnival that afternoon and Jenna couldn’t understand why we weren’t just putting our shoes on leaving, nappy haired and braless. Usually I don’t care about my attire but I try to dress nice on family fun days. I was even going to wear Spanx, but I couldn’t find them. They must be hiding from me; they can’t take all this sexiness at once. I understand, it’s a lot of pressure. 

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Bearded J’s at the park.

 

We bribed the kids with Dairy Queen in order to leave the park without a scene. It was a mutual win, Brandon and I enjoy Dairy Queen just as much as the kids.

We got the kids their food and after the longest battle with Jenna over a vanilla milkshake or a cherry arctic rush, it was nap time.

After nap time it was carnival time. In essence it all sounded like so much fun. In reality it felt like hell it was so damn hot outside and all the carnies were screaming to get our money. Maybe not hell, maybe a strip club?

We had to wait until a

 certain time for wristbands so we decided to go ahead and grab some food. The kids were upset; they can’t eat at a time like this, there’s rides to be rode and games to be played.

They barely ate their food so Brandon and his mom took the older 2 around to play some more games and buy us time.

I stayed on the bench feeding Jace and enjoying the whole reason I go to carnivals, the food. I love their pork tenderloins and lemon shake ups.

The kids couldn’t wait any longer so we ended up buying tickets for them to ride the carnival rides. We bought Brandon tickets because the kids wouldn’t ride alone and there was no way my big ass was getting on any of the rides, look who assembled them. Fuck around and break a carnival ride? That’s a whole new level of fatness that I am not willing to hit.

The look I got from Brandon everytime he realized he would have to ride along with the kids was hilarious. Especially the dragon roller coaster, that look was a personal favorite. I will not lie; watching him struggle to get into that tiny spot made me feel good. I have leverage now! I’ll never have to sit in another booth again!

With every ride Jenna’s excitement grew; she was having the time of her life. With every ride Jaelyn’s anxiety grew; his smiles were beyond forced. Jenna was grinning ear to ear while Jaelyn was practicing his lamaze breathing.

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Bearded J’s at the carnival.

 

When we left, it was late and the kids were grimy from sweat and dirt. I’m not proud of this but the only one who got a bath was Jaelyn. It was only because he had school the next day and I refuse to let him be the stinky kid in class.

When I laid in bed that night I realized family fun day should happen more often. I love my family and cherish every moment spent with them.


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Baby Jace

 

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When I first found out I was pregnant with Jace, I knew having another baby would change my life but I never knew how much. He was by far the hardest pregnancy of all three. My last month was spent on bed-rest with false labor so bad it would register on a NST test and strong enough to alarm my OBGYN. Just climbing the stairs was enough exercise to onset false labor. It was crappy and amazing all at once. I wanted to (but not really) do stuff but doctor’s orders said I couldn’t. I was kind of winning.

 

I felt so bad; here I was at home every day and I couldn’t do anything for myself let alone care for my family. Brandon was awesome, he stepped up his game and did almost every chore there was. He mopped floors, cleaned bathrooms and even did laundry. Brandon just wouldn’t cook. But that’s only because he’s not a cooker, he’s more of a lets just order a pizza kinda guy. Which lead me to gain more weight in the last month of my pregnancy than I did prior.

Jaces delivery was everything I expected. By this time I was a C-section professional. The nurses had a good time with me, I was easy to care for.

Back in the delivery room, my nurse told me in the middle of the night they had to do an emergency c-section on a first time mother. The mom was a hot mess. Took almost an hour just to do her spinal tap because she was nervous and shaking. Screw that. 

I’ve been waiting 9 months to not feel anything from my boobies down. With 2 kids at home this was going to be a mini vacation for me. A vacation where I get my new baby and our main goal is to poop within 48 hours of delivery. I was going to have the time of my life! 

Our first night in the hospital was rough. Seemed like every pregnant lady in the city was in labor and no one wanted an epidural. Ladies, take the damn epidural! I assure you, other than a fist bump here and there no one cares if you gave natural birth or not. 

I

 was released from the hospital a day early. Under normal circumstances, I would have been pretty upset but they have this new no nursery policy now. Babies stay in your room 24/7. A heads up on the policy change may have influenced me to use my birth control more effectively.

B

etween the natural births with a bunch of tree hugging hussies and this keep your own baby bullshit policy, screw that hospital.

Honestly though had I known what the first 48 hours with 3 kids at home would be like, I would have never pushed that poop out a day early, never.

Postpartum with Jace was also the hardest for me.

My body wouldn’t heal properly. Brandon had to push gauze into my incision and flush it out daily with an antibiotic cleanser. How freaking humiliating. I don’t even fart in front of him and now I had to hold my fat roll up so he could clean me and shove me full of gauze. I’m lucky he’s awesome and thinks me being the mother of his children is sexy.

Jace has been a handful since birth. From the get go he suffered from baby of the family syndrome. I was only able to take one shower at the hospital because as soon as I would turn the water on he would cry. Damn that keep your own baby policy!

 

When the nurses would take him for vitals or tests, he would start crying the minute they’d push him out of my room and he wouldn’t stop until he was back in my arms. It made me feel good that he only wanted me but I really wanted to wash my lady parts. I wasn’t really a want, I needed to wash my lady parts!

Jaces behavior hasn’t changed much over the past year. The only things he did way before his time was crawl and walk. The boy needs to keep up with his older siblings. All other milestones he refused to meet.

I took Jace to his doctor for a routine checkup. I asked a lot of questions thinking something maybe wrong. His doctor diagnosed him with baby of the family syndrome. There was nothing to make them believe there was anything physically or mentally wrong with Jace. He just loved being the baby. Jace wouldn’t hold his own bottle at 9 months old because he was constantly on the go. To him that 15 minute bottle break was a euphoric utopia and there was no way he was holding his own bottle during such a blissful time. 

Jaelyn and Jenna dote on him like he’s a real Prince.  They always introduce him as their “baby brother Jace.” There’s no way you can’t dote on him. With that smile he can get away with anything. He’s not all sweet and happy though, if you make him angry its like playing with the devil.

I wish I had more stories to fill this with but Jace is only a year old. He’s already a shit-digger; such a handful, he gets into everything. I really can’t wait to watch him grow up. Jace has such determination and a good deposition that the world is truly at his fingertips. He’s going to do ginormous things and there’s no holding him back. That kid is going to shine brighter than any star you’ve ever seen.

Jace is my happy ending; no more babies! Hallelujah!


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