Holiday Spirit?

 

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Christmas used to be my favorite time of the year. I loved the smells, the food and the togetherness. I loved the smile on people’s faces when they open gifts from me. I loved the Christmas Eve party with my family. Maybe it has something to do with my first real buzz coming from swigging the adults leftover booze. Ahh, the childhood memories.

This year it feels different. I’m not quite sure what it is but the spirits not there for me. The decorations around the house are annoying me as I try to keep them safe from Jaces grubby little hands. All I hear from my older 2 kids is “I want, I want, I want.” They aren’t spoiled but lately they sound like they may be getting there. I’m not looking forward to scrounging together cash to fill 12 cards for our nieces and nephews. All these things once brought me such joy.

Maybe it’s the major changes we’re all going through as a family. We are all adjusting to my Aunt moving in and not knowing if it’s forever or just temporary is hard. We are all getting to know eachother still. We never know what the next day will bring.

Maybe it’s the fact that this is the first year we have to scrounge together money for gifts. Robbing Peter to buy Paul a gift is no fun. Especially knowing that the money SHOULD be spent on paying off bills. But I can’t deny any of the kids in our family a gift. It may not be much but at least it’s something.

I need my funk to go away. I want to enjoy this time of the year. This is the first year in almost 4 years that my Grandparents will be in town. This will be the first year since I was around 12 that I will be opening gifts Christmas morning along side my Aunt. All reasons to have the holiday spirit, but I don’t. And I don’t know exactly why.

Maybe if I bake a bunch of Christmas cookies and eat all of them, I will feel better… or worse. Whatever, it’s a risk worth taking.

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12 thoughts on “Holiday Spirit?

  1. Girl, I’ve been there. Christmas/ New Year’s is never really fun with too many changes or being broke. We roll with it here. We had too many broke ass holidays, and that’s when we made up our own traditions and new Christmas holiday that came on tax return time! LOL. We put the tree up, had hot cocoa, and went shopping, while others were looking at us weird. We didn’t care, because we had each other, and we love to be different. Find the positive, and leave it at that. It could be worse, but from what I see you are truly blessed this year even if you don’t have all the money in the world.

  2. Oh I relate to you sweet Mama. I’ve been grieving and struggling with the whole Christmas spirit thing. I knew I had to make an effort for my kids so up went the tree.. It was my need to reach out to others that helped. And then my husband saved a little girls life at work, and I knew Christmas miracles are worth so much more than presents, and commercialism. And I agree with buttercup Christmas can be any day.

  3. It had me last year. What about regifting kids gifts? I know, personally, I totally wouldn’t mind getting hand me down gifts between cousins. We’re all purging to make room for more shit anyway so why not trade? Thinking of you and hoping you find some joy and cheap toys. 🙂

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