Baby Fever

While pregnant with Jaelyn I was a single waitress living with my parents. My pregnancy was a complete shock. I had declared, 2 weeks prior to finding out, I was NEVER having kids. I always jinx myself.

During my pregnancy with Jaelyn I inguired about a hysterectomy. Yes, a hysterectomy. I wanted EVERYTHING gone. At the time, Jaelyn was more than I had bargained for.

Since I would be down for the count during Jaelyns delivery and they might go in for a tubal ligation, they could go ahead and take the whole shabang. No more kids or periods, that life sounded amazing.

I am thankful I didn’t meet the criteria for a hysterectomy or tubal ligation,  at that time. After marrying Brandon I couldn’t wait to have more babies and grow our family. 

Brandon begged me not to have a tubal ligation after Jenna was born. He wasn’t done making babies. I agreed. Despite being done making babies before I ever started but whatever. I am thankful everyone talked me out of it but I was even more thankful no one spoke out against it after Jace. Hallelujah! 

When I was pregnant with Jace my OBGYN asked me if I was interested in any kind of birth control after delivery. I repied, “yes, I ‘m interested in the kind that prevents this from ever happening again.” The doctor laughed at me. I wasn’t joking, I was dead serious.  

Recently I’ve been having baby fever. Leave me alone, my uterus aches. Their sweet little heads, the smell of their body, the whimper in their cries, I miss cuddling up to a newborn. I yearn to be the only one who can make the baby stop crying. I want to smell baby lotion again and make bottles. I want itty bitty diapers that accompany those tiny baby tushies. Oh, and those little gas smiles that make your heart melt even though you know they aren’t real. I miss all those sweet moments.

Then reality hits and I remember.

I remember the bad times. The time Jaelyn peed in my mouth, while smearing poop all over my arms. I remember the projectile vomit that made him look like a scene out of the Exorcists. He was our “sickly” baby

I remember Jenna turning her butthole into a water spout and clearing two feet with her poop stream. I remember her gas belly aches, all overs of the night. She was our “gas drop” baby. 

I remember Jace waking up at 4am, ready to play. I remember him not holding his bottle until he was 10 months old. He was the “baby of the family” and suffered from all the symptoms. 

I remember the cycle of 2 hour feedings in the middle of the night. I remember the endless ear infections because of teething. The antibiotics side effects were horrid.

The bad times are such vivid memories. 

Everyone says the good times outweigh the bad and they make it all worth it in the end. That statement is only partially true in my eyes. The good times do not outweigh the bad.

I have often found myself thinking back to when the kids were smaller. I always remember the poopy situations and the rough times. I can’t recall the first time any of the kids gave me a gas smile but I can recall every night they peed on me. I don’t think the good outweigh the bad but one way or another I do think it’s all worth it in the end.

With that being said, I am thankful my baby fever passed before I did something that would put me elbow deep in pea-green baby shit again.

As we change the diaper, we realize the diaper changes us.




4 thoughts on “Baby Fever

  1. Sometimes I swear The Boss is so bad just to make me happy I decided on having a tubal ligation after he was born. And I mean next day! None of this waiting. I remember my hands shaking as I signed the papers, because did I really want to be done? However, 4 boys was enough for me and if they would have taken it all out I would have checked yes in that box!

    The good outweighs the bad! But you remember the bad moments more! Fondly sometimes, with tears at others. Memories! A daily reminder why we do it and why we stop! Haha

    Loved it! ♡

  2. This is the greatest part of being human- we are all unique individuals that have unique experiences & we all perceive those experiences differently from one another. Granted all women are designed for baby making, but every woman is able to take that experience inn differently. For some, that design doesn’t even work as it should. Others take that design & use it till it breaks their bodies. You are aware of who you are, what you need, what makes You happy, & you wisely chose what was best for you- there’s so much awesomeness in that. Thanks for sharing your point of view with us! I’m glad that you will never have to taste the urine of another baby nor clean up any more shit than what the kids you already have make. And besides, that fourth kid is a demon, youre lucky to never have to experience that, trust me! Keep writing girl, you rock!

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