When people ask me what I think my best physical feature is, the only hesitation I have is which facial feature I’m going to spotlight. I love my smile. It’s not a perfect she must have had braces (I didn’t) smile but it’s warm and always sincere. My eyes are amazing. They’re so dark brown they look black. They say your eyes are the window to your soul; my soul must be dark and intense yet beautiful. My nose fits perfectly within the rest of my features. It’s not a bad nose at all; it can smell a poopy diaper from 10 feet away. It’s a damn good nose. I know hair isn’t a facial feature but I just want everyone to know that my hair is often the recipient of many compliments as well, when it’s fixed.
I don’t want you to think I’m conceited because that is not at all the case. You see my whole life I’ve been pleasantly plump, a little thicker than most girls. I’ve always heard, “oh you have such a beautiful face.” I grew up only embracing my face because that’s what everyone complimented me on. I knew I was bigger than most girls but it was never an issue until I seen pictures of myself.
I remember looking at pictures from my first wedding and being completely disgusted with my body. It was the first time I had ever looked at my full body in a picture and I didn’t like what I saw. It wasn’t horrible but I could see why no one ever complimented me on anything else.
In every picture, I was smiling and my eyes were shining so bright you could see the happiness oozing out of my face. I could finally see what everyone else seen. I only had a beautiful face. The rest of me wasn’t cute at all. My arms were chubby, my butt was flat and lets not talk about my gut the “bone girdle” couldn’t even contain.
Every time I look at those wedding pictures my eyes immediately go to all my problem areas. I hate the way it makes me feel about myself. Looking at my reflection in a mirror is completely different to me than seeing myself in a picture. Those images haunt me.
When I recieved my first digital camera, I learned to take selfies. They became my favorite pictures of myself. They focused on the one part of my body that I was comfortable with, my face. I’ve never taken a selfie I didn’t like. I should give lessons. Picking the right pose, knowing your angle, getting the lighting just right, Sometimes I view it as an art form. I tried to teach my sister how to take a cute selfie but it was an epic fail. She wound up looking more like Meg (from Family guy) than ever before. Wait, this isn’t about my sister, this is about me and my body image issues. Back to me…
I’m coming to terms with being who I am. I still don’t like pictures of my full body. For the past 5 years family pictures are always done right after I have a kid. They all have that extra 100 pounds I gained during every pregnancy. Family pictures are never taken when I’m thinner and feel better about myself; which makes my full-body-image-photo-phobia even worse.
Please don’t take this wrong. I love myself and I don’t hide from family pictures. I just don’t like to throw them all over the internet. I know what my body could look like and those are the pictures I enjoy. For now, I love my selfies. They show all my best features and those are the pictures I enjoy sharing.
So next time you see me on Selfie Club posting about how I’m the #SelfieQueen, please don’t shake your head and pass judgment on me. Just smile and wait for the day that I feel comfortable enough with you to share my full body photos. That day will come, I promise.
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