I may or may not be a murderer

Yeah, you read that right. It depends on how you view the childhood memory…

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I was around 4 years old and my Father took me for the summer to Puerto Rico. That’s where he was born and where the majority of my paternal family lives. It’s beautiful down there, from what I remember. I don’t remember every incident that happened when I was there but I do remember one night very vividly.

The family who lived next store to my Grandma raised chickens. They run around their yard, crazy and wild. Just a chicken free for all, no one cares down there. They have cock fights in the alley’s and stuff so no one cares about chickens in a yard. You ever heard the term, “running around like a chicken with its head cut off?” Yeah, that really happens. I promise. It’s creepy and disturbing but it’s also their way of life. Once the initial shock wears off it’s no longer disturbing.

One evening my Grandma brings me this baby chicken. She told me I could raise it while I stayed with them. Well, she didn’t tell me, she told my dad and then he translated for me.  It was so cute but it looked like a duck to me so no matter what anyone told me, I assumed it was a duck. I loved the duck-that-was-really-a-chicken. I held him all evening long. I wanted him to sleep inside with us. Grandma wouldn’t allow that because chicken poop in the house. No way would grown-up me allow that, I was a crazy kid.

 

I didn’t sleep wellthat night because the baby duck-that-was-really-chicken needed me. I felt so bad that he was outside all alone. He was probably scared of the dark, just like me.

My Grandma would sleep with the TV on and some Spanish soap opera would be playing all night long. I was in and out of sleep. I remember waking up from a bad baby duck-that-was-really-a-chicken, dream and my hand was on top of my Grandmas head. (We always shared a bed) At first I thought her hair was the duck-that-was-really-a-chicken and I pulled it, trying to pull the baby duck-that-was-really-a-chicken, back to me.

When I pulled my Grandmas hair, she sat straight up in bed. She said something in Spanish, I have no idea what was said. I pretended to be asleep. I don’t know if she knows it was me or if she even remembers her hair getting pulled. But I remember and I feel like a turd for pulling my Grandmas hair. She didn’t deserve it and honestly I didn’t mean to do it. It was an accident, I swear.

The next morning while my Grandma was making breakfast, I went outside to check on my baby duck-that-was-really-a-chicken. He made it through the night. I was stoked. I was feeding him some seed mix the neighbors had given us. I remember seeing a bucket with water in it. I have no idea why it was there or how it got there but in my eyes, baby ducks-that-are-really-a-chicken can swim, right? Yeah, if it was a freakin duck! I put him in the bucket so he could swim. He could not swim, he wasn’t a duck. He was a damn chicken.

I always feel bad when I tell that story or my family tells the story. I loved that baby duck-that-was-really-a chicken. I cried over his death, it was hard on me. As an adult I can’t help but think maybe I saved him from a horrible death in the future? I was just going to raise him while I stayed at my Grandmas. He wasn’t going to come home with me. I would of said goodbye to him in a month or two and soon after he would be running around with his head cut off.

So was it murder? Involuntary duck-that-was-really-a-chicken slaughter? I don’t know what you’d call what 4 year old me did, but it was not cool.

 RIP Baby Duck-that-was-really a Chicken.

You are greatly missed and thought about thought of often 

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My SECOND Liebster Award

 I believe I am here to accept an award of some kind? 

 

In case there was ever any doubt in ANY ONES mind, let it be put to rest now. I am FREAKING FABUSOULY FAMOUS!! Two Liebster Awards, in one week. I know there are blogs out there that have been requested to do more but come on people, just let me have my 15… wait, 30 seconds of fame!

Those of you who know me in real life know this is not something I ever expected would happen. I have been Blogging for less than 6 months. I don’t know how other blogs did in their first 6 months but I feel like I hit the floor running and have such a broad spectrum of readers. I am completely blown away and am so thankful people think of me! ME!!! Not Brandon with his beard or the kids with their vibrant take on life; No, people are thinking of me. My head is huge right now!

In school I did enough to barely get by. I wasn’t an over achiever. I wasn’t some fantastic athlete. I wasn’t into the arts program. I was me. In Middle School I was in the Gifted and Talented art class. I should have been more into art, which was more up my alley. But I was never recognized in school by winning trophies or awards. There were only two times in my high school career where my teachers gave anything I did a second glance. My journalism teacher submitted some of my Entertainment articles I had wrote for the school newspaper. One of them won first place at Ball State’s Journalism Day, I won a ribbon! My clay teacher entered my sculpture of a puppy into a contest. I won second place, I didn’t even get a piece of paper with my name on it. Sad huh? I was always just THERE, never in the spotlight. I always wanted a freakin trophy!

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There it is. Sure is purdy.

Who really needs a trophy when you have not one but TWO Liebster Awards? I was completely blown away when Traci nominated me and now I’m flabbergasted that KAREN thought of me, while she was doing her laundry. That makes me smile. Thanks Karen!! Maybe I should come by and help you out with all your laundry….whoa wait. Laundry is not my cup of tea. The fame is going straight to my head, I’m not thinking clearly. You guys should go visit her blog, Laundry Fairy Tales, Life Beyond the hamper. (She’s on Facebook too) I better stop rambling before I offer to clean everyone’s house.

 

 What inspires you to write what you blog about?

My biggest inspirations come from my life; my husband, my kids, my thoughts and situations that make me laugh. This is one thing in my life that is all about me. Sure I talk a lot about my kids and my husband and my past but it’s MY opinion. For instance Family Fun Day was MY point of view. It was how I seen things that day. My thoughts have been my biggest inspiration. I don’t express them all because there is so many but my minding is always going. When I’m in a conversation no matter how serious it may be my mind goes to the humor side of it. It takes a lot of me to be serious, especially now a days.

Where do you prefer writing in your home, where are you sitting when you crank out your best material?

I like to take the kids upstairs; I block off the top of the stairs and close all bedroom doors except for the kids. Jenna has this pink and white striped chair in her room. I sit in it because it faces our fish tank. The running water from the filter of the tank makes me feel like I’m in nature by a running stream. I enjoy looking at the fish. When I get stumped or need to think about wording, I look at the fish. This allows Jace, whose only one, free roam of all the kids’ room. It gives me a small break right before lunch to write. No worries, my WHOLE house is child proof. I am a safety freak.

If I don’t get it knocked out in that time period then I usually stay up later than everyone else and just sit down stairs in my chair and type away. I have to have the TV off and I can’t really be bothered or else it comes out choppy. For instance, when I write with the kids around, that’s my first draft. I usually go back during naptime, while sitting in my chair down stairs and fix it all up.

 

What is your favorite scent…and does it take you to a different time and place when you smell it?

I love the smell of cakes baking. Not just because CAKE! But more because when I was younger, my mom owned her own bakery. She did amazing work; my mom was and still is very talented when it comes to decorating cakes or making desserts. And to go back to that time period in my life, I just remember it being good times. We always had desserts, and everyone was always complimenting my mom. I enjoyed that small venture in our life.

If you have 30 minutes of free-time, how are you going to spend it?

That really depends on who’s around. If the kids are home, I’ll probably spend it watching kid shows or playing games with them. If it’s 30 minutes alone with Brandon, you could put all your money on a mini sexy party. If its 30 minutes of me time, I would just play a game on my phone or play on Facebook, maybe even write a little.

If you could vacation anywhere in the world, where would you go?

Florida. I don’t want to leave the country because I really suck at foreign languages and that’s a lot of hassle. My parents live in Florida. I love staying at my parents’ house, it’s like being a grown up but in high school still. Day long trips to the beach, Disney crap and not to mention my mom is willing to watch the kids while Brandon and I slip away on a mini cruise. That’s epic.

If you won the lottery, what’s the first thing you would do?

Pay off all our bills. Then I’d help some family members out. The one frivolous thing I would purchase, which isn’t really frivolous would be a house. Brandon and I dream about living out the country, away from everybody. We both love those big country sometimes victorian style houses. I would have one built where everything was custom to us, with our future and past in mind it is where we could grow old together, and hopefully one day help raise grand kids and GREAT grandkids there. I get excited just thinking about it. Maybe we should start playing the lottery?

What household chore do you absolutely loath having to do?

The damn dishes; I feel like I cook why should I have to clean up too? It wasn’t too bad when I left the house to do my job every day, Brandon would do the dishes to help out. But now since I’m a SAHM, all that is my responsibly and I feel bad even complaining about it. Brandon works LONG, HARD hours, when he comes home that would be entirely too bitchy of me to ask him to wash the dishes. Especially if he realized how long I spent on Facebook every day.

Replacing the toilet paper roll….over or under?

Any way I put it on that particular time. I have no preference at all. Half the time, it’s lucky to make it on the roll. They’re ANIMALS I tell ya!

I remember when Brandon and I first moved in together, he brought up the way I put the toilet paper roll on. He wasn’t really complaining but I took it personal and was upset that I had been the one to put it on ALL THE TIME. When I replied, “well if your preference is THAT DEEP, you make sure you change the roll EVERY TIME, cause I don’t care how it goes on, as long as it goes on.” He never brought it up again. He’s a fast learner, he knows what’s up.

What 3 things would you want with you if you were stranded on a deserted island?

  1. My machete. I need to be able to protect myself against wild animals and I’m going to need to eat.
  2. A lighter. I already know I can’t start a fire. I swear I will be useless in a Zombie apocalypse.
  3. I know it says things but I need Brandon. I hate being alone. I wouldn’t bring the kids. A deserted island with kids would suck. They’ll be safer with whoever we left them with in the first place. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

What does your perfect day look like?

We talking with or without kids here, seriously?!?!

With kids- There would be no meltdowns. Everyone would be happy. I wouldn’t have to cook because food would just appear when everyone was hungry. We would play and joke all day. There would be a lot of Wedgies, Wet Williies and Noogies for sure.

Without kids- I would write blogs and play on Facebook all day. I would also get a full night’s sleep and 2 naps that day. I don’t ask for much.

 

Now it’s time for me to nominate a few blogs. I’m only going to do a few because I have been nominated a few times, and I’m running out of blogs that haven’t been nominated.

My Nominees are:

The Daily Rantings of an Angrivated Mother

Is it Friday Yet?

Murphy Uncut

(I didn’t know MURPHY had a blog or I would have nominated her on my first one, I LOVE MURPHY!)

The Official Rules of the Liebster Award

If you have been nominated for The Liebster Award and choose to accept it, you must write a blog post about the Liebster award in which you:

1. Thank the person who nominated you, and post a link back to their blog on your blog.

2. Display the award on your blog — by including it in your post and/or displaying it using a “widget” or a “gadget” on your sidebar.

3. Answer the 10 questions about yourself provided to you by the person who nominated you.

4. Nominate 5 – 10 blogs that you feel deserve the award. (They must have a less than 1000 followers.)

5. Create a new list of questions for those bloggers to answer.

6. List these rules in your post (You can copy and paste from here.)

7. Once you have written and published it, you then must inform the people/blogs that you nominated and provide a link to your post so that they can learn about it (they might not have ever heard of it!)

My questions to my Nominees:

  1. What’s the most important lesson you wish to teach your child/children
  2. You walk into a bar, what’s the first thing you do?
  3. You win an all-expense paid vacation anywhere in the world, where would you go and who would you take? (You can take me; I’m always available for free vacations!)
  4. How did you come up with the idea of blogging?
  5. How long have you been blogging?
  6. What do you want on your tombstone? (pizza or grave)
  7. If you could turn back the hands of time and tell 18 year old YOU one piece of solid advice, what would it be?
  8. Is there something in your life that you have won or done that was so awesome that you want to share it with everybody, but it hardly ever comes up in conversations? (For instance, I once changed the heating element on our dryer, savings our family hundreds of dollars. I never get to tell anyone that because no one walks around talking about fixing dryers!)
  9. Tell me a funny story about your kid or kids.
  10. Who’s your hero?

    Follow my shenanigans on Facebook.

Saving lives, like a boss

I saved LIVES the other day…. LIVES! Goldfish lives but they were still LIVES and I saved them. I’m some kind of freakin hero!

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I go in Jenna’s room to hang out and play. I notice the filter on the fish tank is running but it wasn’t “filtering”. There was no water coming down where it usually looks like a waterfall. I know from previous goldfish bowls that without a filter there’s no way for oxygen to enter the water allowing them to breathe. I don’t know the specifics, Google it. But if you see your fish gulping at the top of the tank or bowl it’s because they need air. They can’t live more than a couple of days like that. We have lost a few goldfish before because we put them in a fishbowl with no filter. I don’t know how long our current fish had been gulping.

This would USUALLY be the time I call Brandon upstairs and let him deal with it. I love the fish but I don’t do fish water and I will flip out if they touch me. I almost wet myself once, true story. However, Brandon was at work. This one was on me. Shitty fish water, ugh.

The big fish was gulping really bad. The other fish were swimming up to the top, gulping and then swimming back down but they seemed to be in a catatonic state. I went full-on mommy mode, I HAD TO SAVE THE FISH… but first I needed some kind of gloves because fish water. Ugh. 

I looked every where, it took me 20 minutes to find a pair that wasn’t drenched in bleach. All the while, Jace was on my hip and Jenna was so far up my butt had I farted, she would have went flying across the room. It didn’t matter though, we were on this mission together. We needed to save lives! I find my last new pair of big yellow “I’m cleaning the toilet” gloves. The had to be new ones, I maybe slightly ditzy at times but I’m no moron.

I get my gloves on and go all Wonder Woman on the fish tank filter machine. I changed the filter, I stuck my gloved hand in the water. I couldn’t tell if the filter was sucking because the gloves were too thick and Queen Franchesca swam past my arm and touched the glove. It was too much, I had to retreat. My bladder couldn’t handle it. YUCK! Thank God I had on gloves. Sorry fish you would die before I stick my hand/arm in there without protection. 

Then I notice a knob on top of the filter machine. I turn it completely the opposite way. Why not?

It starts working. WE HAVE A WATERFALL FOLKS!

Are you freaking kidding me though? Someone had just turned the machine off. I didn’t need to stick my arm in poop-infested fish water. Oh well, I still saved LIVES, like a boss.

 

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Follow my shenanigans on Facebook. 

Liebster Award

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I was nominated for the Liebster Award by Traci at A Day in the Life of a Drama Queen’s Mom. (she’s on Facebook too) I knew one day someone would notice me… Thank you Traci!!

I honestly feel like I just won Miss America! I did the hand wave in the kitchen a few minutes ago and I’ve been smiling from ear to ear. This is exactly what I needed, especially since no one ever remembers me. They remember Brandon and the kids but never me.

I never thought this day would come. I don’t have a speech prepared like Traci. I’ll just wing it…

First and foremost I would like to thank my fans! Without them, this would be a family affair. I would like to thank my husband, Brandon! With out the beard I wouldn’t have a gimmick. Thank you for getting your beard on, my dear. I love you and I need you more than you will ever know. I need to thank my kids. Without them, I would not be the person I am today. They are the glitter in my life. I need to thank my Mom and Dad. They created all this awesome-sauce; blame them or thank them. I owe my life to them. Lastly, I need to thank the blogging community. They have accepted me and laugh at my silliness. They are an amazing group of people who help empower me and they don’t even realize it. THANK YOU FOLKS!

Winner, winner chicken dinner!!!

What inspired you to start blogging?

I used to post a lot on my personal Facebook account about the kids and our lives. Whenever I would run into a FB friend in public they would always say how much they enjoyed all my post. So I knew I had something, I just didn’t know exactly what to do with it. (I still don’t really know)

I read a blog by Pink Fuzzy Slippers and my Hubby Pants and I immediately thought, I could do that. So I secretly wrote an introduction to what would be my blog. I saved it on my phone and never told anyone about it. Months passed by until I had the nerve to mention it to anyone.

Brandon and I were celebrating our 4 year wedding anniversary.  We rented a secluded cabin in the woods and snuck away for the weekend. While there I decided to read it to Brandon.

If I was ever going to do this blogging gig, I needed Brandon on board. He was blown away. He had no idea I could transfer my thoughts into words and it be so interesting. He told me I had to do this.

A month later on Mothers Day he got me a new phone, a tablet and writing things so I could start this new venture. I needed his approval and his OK, I needed him to hold my hand and stroke my ego. He has done just that. He has been my biggest fan through it all. I will forever be thankful for his never-ending support and love.

What are 2 of your biggest pet peeves?

Shit, I have so many.

I hate repeating myself. I hate when people don’t listen and I have to say things time after time, it’s so annoying. The kids are the worst with this one.

I also hate when people are moving at their own pace of RIDICULOUSLY FREAKIN SLOW, when I know they could be moving a little faster. I hate slow walkers, talkers, learners, texters, and eaters. It annoys me. GET THE HECK OUTTA MY WAY, I got stuff to do people. The kids are the worst at this one too.

Are you a dog person or a cat person?

Dog person, ALL. THE. WAY.

Growing up my mom told us kids my dad was allergic to cats. One day my senior year of high school my dad says, “let’s get a cat.” What the heck?

I instantly replied, “but you’re allergic.” Long story short, mom lied. She denies it but there is 4 of us kids and we all have the same story. Mystery solved! Moms a liar but I get it now.

Screw cats. When I lived with my ex husband we had like 4 cats. Cats are EVIL. Never again. I hate cats.

Brandon has already told our kids he’s allergic. I told him I will not participate in the lie but I’m glad he’s willing to take one for the team because UGH CATS.

We have 2 dogs. Buster and Bruno, they’re brothers from the same litter. One is really smart the other is really dumb. One is fat, one is thin. One is mainly black, one is mainly white. One acts like an old dog, the other one is young at heart. I won’t put them on blast by saying whose who.

We also have 5 fish, they’re my favorite of all the animals. Their names are : Queen Franchesca, Baby fish, Goldie, Nemo, and the big one. We never named him, he’s just really big and that’s what the kids call him. He’s about the length of a dollar bill. That’s huge for goldfish. I think I’m actually a goldfish person.

What is a lesson that you desperately wish your children would learn now? (So you can stop repeating it)

To properly wipe their butt. Skidmarks gross me out. Enough said.

Other than that I have really awesome kids. I usually only have to say something about 10 times before they get it. That’s normal right?

What is your idea of a “perfect date night” with your significant other?

In the bed of a pickup truck. Line that sucker with pillows and blankets. Park it in a remote area. Watch the stars and the sky. I really enjoy Brandon’s company. We used to go on dates all the time, but now we have date nights every Saturday. Because we rarely get away from the kids, we tend to stay in, rent a movie, get pizza and enjoy each other while the kids sleep. I like trying new things and a bed of a pickup truck is one place we’ve never cuddled at.

How do you feel about public restrooms?

*cringe* They are so disgusting, I hover. I always freakin hover. I have protected my vag from all kinds of crud over the years, I’ll be damned if I pick up a herp off a public restroom. No thank you.

I do have a funny story about a truck stop.

One Christmas we were heading up to Michigan for a Christmas party, I was pregnant with Jaelyn. My older brother and his wife couldn’t make it but we took their boys. Their youngest was around 6 years old. I had to pee so my dad pulled over at a truck stop. It was a raunchy one.

I took my youngest nephew in with me because he had to pee too. I wasn’t a mom yet, I was just creeping up on 9 months of being pregnant. (Jaelyn was born 2 weeks after this incident) Looking back, he should have went first.

I went pee first, in the handicapped stall. I made him come in the stall with me because there was a lot of foot traffic in the restroom. I’m doing my thing and I hear him say, “Aunt Jenny… whats this hole for?”

I look up and there’s a hole in the wall. My nephews getting ready to stick his eye up to it! I screamed, “NOOOOOOO!”

He didn’t look in it and nothing popped out of it. I almost peed down my leg, I was prepared to jump up midstream if needed. I don’t think the hole was for what my mind went to but you never know. I will never forget that story. I laughed the rest of the way to Michigan. Heck, I’m still laughing.

What is your favorite thing to cook or bake?

I love cooking and baking but I hate making things from scratch. I have a recipe for a Beefy Baked Ravioli. It’s amazing, tastes like lasagna. I enjoy making it because you would think its all homemade but in fact it calls for frozen ravioli and a jar of your favorite spaghetti sauce. I like meals that have you make some stuff but allows for prepackaged ingredients.

I also enjoy baking Pineapple Upside-Down Mini-Cakes. That recipe is the same way, boxed cake mixes are fabulous!

Are you a “lover” or a “fighter”?

Both. At times I maybe more of one than the other. Younger Jenny LOVED a good fight. Now a day’s the only thing worth fighting over is my family. In any way, shape or form if someone messes with them, all hell will break loose, heads will spin and tables will flip. I do not play games when it comes to Brandon and the kids.

When I love, it’s with my whole heart. Over the years love has changed me, the change was usually for the worse. The relationships that I maintain now are healthier and they make me a better person. A person that doesn’t want or need to fight. So lately I’ve been more of a lover but I enjoy loving so I’ve been rolling with it.

If you could publish something (other than your blog), what genre would you write?

I would write those cheesy romance novels. The plot is always the same, so I would bring plot changes to the table and make them even more fabulous. I am a true romantic.

When and where did you get your *real* first kiss?

The first time my lips ever touched a boys lips, I was in 6th grade. He was a handsome basketball player. He was so tall I had to stand on the curb, we were hanging out at a playground. But that’s all it was, our lips touched.

My real first kiss, the one I think counts, happened the summer after 8th grade year. (Big gap between kisses huh? I’m not a hussy!) I don’t like to kiss and tell but this time, sparks flew. I had butterflies in my stomach and I couldn’t sleep all night. But that was with a guy whose last name is Denney. I enjoyed the kiss and many more after, but Jenny Denney? No thanks.


 

My last duty as a Liebster Award recipient is to nominate other blogs. Yay!! These are some personal favorites of mine. Some I have been following for months/years and others I just stumbled across last week…

I nominate the following blogs for the Liebster Award

The Original Hussy Strikes Again

Imperfect Mom Chronicles

The Hoare

Sippy Cup and Booze

Moe & Co

Ignore the Mess

Sister Serendip

Clutterbug

Ruling the Nest

 

Official Rules of the Liebster Award

If you have been nominated for The Liebster Award and choose to accept it, you must write a blog post about the Liebster award in which you:

1. Thank the person who nominated you, and post a link back to their blog on your blog.

2. Display the award on your blog — by including it in your post and/or displaying it using a “widget” or a “gadget” on your sidebar.

3. Answer the 10 questions about yourself provided to you by the person who nominated you.

4. Nominate 5 – 10 blogs that you feel deserve the award. (They must have a less than 1000 followers.)

5. Create a new list of questions for those bloggers to answer.

6. List these rules in your post (You can copy and paste from here.)

7. Once you have written and published it, you then must inform the people/blogs that you nominated and provide a link to your post so that they can learn about it (they might not have ever heard of it!)

 

Here are the list of 10 questions I would like my nominees to answer:

1. What’s your favorite past-time, aside from blogging?

2. If you could turn back the hands of time and do one thing in life differently what would it be and why?

3. What is your main goal you would like to accomplish with your blog?

4. If you could have lunch with one person,  dead or alive, who would it be and why?

5. What inspires you to write?

6.  What is your blogging routine? (How do you go about creating a new blog entry from start to finish?)

7. What is one thing you want the blogging community to know about you?

8. What is your fondest child hood memory?

9. If you were not doing what you do everyday (doing the same thing is not an option) what would you be doing? (for work or for fun)

10. Describe your first *real* date, the one with no chaperones!

First Love

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What is love?

 I know what love is to me. I know there are different kinds of love. There are different stages of love. It’s not just a feeling, its more than that. I also had to ponder what kind of love to write about; either the first family bonds ever created or the romanticism kind I often fantasize about. I’m a true romantic at heart.

I looked up the definition of love. I needed to know what society had determined was the generic, impersonal definition. There I was with the online Merriam-Webster definition right in front of my face. That impersonal and generic definition I was looking for was no where to be found. Why had I never looked this up before? It took me 30 years of hard lessons to determine what I read in five seconds online. I really should read more often.

The dictionary shows how there’s different kinds of love. I dont believe for one second that any given person in this world only has one first love. With every relationship I’ve been in, its always been a first love. I never dated the same kind of guy twice. They were all different in their own ways and each taught me something new about love and about myself.

 

Their was my first puppy love. He lived across the street from us. My mom, sister and aunt swore he admired me for years before I gave in. He was always mean to me throughout middle school. But the summer before my freshman year he started to look different to me. The boy was actually kinda cute.

That boy was my first kiss, first hug, first REAL boyfriend and the first guy I ever went out on a “date” with. He was the only date I ever had to ANY High School dances. Despite only being together for a year and a half, I consider him my high school sweetheart. It wasn’t until after we had broke up that we decided to loose our virginity to eachother. He will always have that part of me. A decision I have never regretted. 

We have remained friends over the years. The opportunity had arose to rekindle our flame but neither of us were interested. I don’t know his reasoning but I didn’t want to ruin what we already had. Adulthood brings a lot more drama than childhood. Having him as my high school sweetheart was and always will be enough. Besides, his last name rhymes with my first name. No way could I go through life as Jenny Denney.

When I was 16 I met this 19 year old online. (I lied about my age of course) My connection with him has always been a mental one. When we finally met it was an instant physical attraction that neither of us could deny but it always remained mental for me. He always knew the real me. I know if need be I can talk to him about anything. He’s older and wiser. To this day I cannot define our relationship. We have went months and years without talking. But when out of blue contact is made; after a quick catch up, it’s like we never stopped talking.

We had rough patches in our journey but no hard feelings were ever harbored. He’s always been a secret voice of reason to me. He’s always respected my relationships and understood my decisions. I’ve never been quit sure what I am to him and honestly it doesn’t matter. Whether he wanted to or not he taught me a lot about love. He was my first older and wiser love. Even if we were both young and dumb at the time.

This is where I would describe how my exhusband swept me off my feet and showed me unconditional love. But that’s not how his role in my life played out. When walking away from my other relationships I never felt inferior. That wasn’t the case here. He was my first love, that never really was love. 

Then there was my bad boy first love. My family hated him and there were times I did too. He was like a drug to me. I couldn’t get enough of him. We were a modern day Bonnie and Clyde. At one point in our relationship we both had warrants out for our arrest. Mine were no where near as bad as his and despite him being in and out of jail, I never was. I have never spent any time in jail. My family saved me from him. I needed saved from him.

The love that came from my relationship with Jaelyns biological father was strange. I was never in love with him. But I did and still do have some kind of love for him; he gave me my first born. I do not respect him as a person, a father, a son or a brother. But without him Jaelyn wouldn’t be here. He was my first baby daddy love. That was and will always be the extent of our relationship.

I could spend the next 96,139 words explaining the love I share with Brandon. He was my first I gave it my all love. He’s the father of my youngest two and stepped up as Jaelyns daddy as well. I have put everything I have into our relationship and plan on maintaining it forever. He may not be the first man I ever fell in love with but I guarantee you he is my last.

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